Then again, she did ask for it. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. "Where's your hair?" How are stars like false teeth? Web3 great things about getting old and losing your memory 1. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!, The third lady smiles smugly. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. 6. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. Yes, she admitted. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. 2023 Box of Puns. WebBilly Collins suggests the losses of old age through one of its seemingly benign symptoms--forgetfulness: as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain No wonder you rise in the middle of the night to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. "Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. Then he began to gather her information. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. she asked. Getting older is like living in a haunted house. A little old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon. He shook his head. 23. "Just great, hon.". By the time I put on my outfit, the class was over. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. 4. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. The first lady says, Look at that. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." Theres a damn Democrat on my front porch and hes playing with himself.. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. Ouch, this was some seriously rough honesty. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. She was the richest woman in the world. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. Where are my keys?". "Now take off your arm.". No. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. How old are you? a tenant asked. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. I asked. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste.. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. 20. Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, AITA? "This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. 40 Quotes About Old Age Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. - Jonathan Swift (paraphrased) Old age is always fifteen years older than I Me: How old are your kids? Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra. And now that Im 80, the damn things are growing wild! Its enough to comfortably replace my old jobs income, especially considering I only work about 11 to 12 hours a week from home. We respect your privacy. 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"Of course we do," the pharmacist replies. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. "It's my passport picture," she revealed."Really?" Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Stunning Photographs Of Bangladeshi People By This Photographer (New Pics), See Popular Sneakers In Gigantic Forms Composed Into Real Environments All Around The World: 79 Images By Carlos Jimnez Varela. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says There is no justice in this world. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? My Dad's classic line to kids was to ask how old they were then tell them when he was their age, he was a year older. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. she asked. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories youll never forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. Do you think I'm getting younger?". Our resources include articles, advice, and general information, as well as complete directories on housing choices (including apartments, assisted living, cohousing, manufactured homes, nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and retirement communities), aging-in-place specialists, adult day care, home care, estate planning attorneys, hospice care, and senior education. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighedwhen I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. When the couple finished, the Doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. And he charged them $10.00. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. I knew that my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said. Apparently, you can't go alone. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" Robin Williams. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. "What are you doing?" So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. "What's more than usual?" Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. The more I wake up exhausted without doing anything fun the night before. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. 12. "Great," she said. Is Grandma a hipster? he asked. An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. The clerk shot back, "We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets." After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. What happens to your blood type when you get really old? One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. ?" My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave. 32. Im not old. They both come out at night. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Dad wasnt sold: Unless youre including a periscope with my casket, I dont know how Im going to enjoy it.. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. "How'd you do it?" A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. "The tip's for carding me," he said. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." "How old are you?" Glass?" If I were 30 years older, it wouldnt bother me so much., The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. On the memo line, shed written, "Repairs.". Why should you marry someone your age? He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" The man leading them around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? Supper? How long exactly? After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". Even his son turned up. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. And yes, you can get passport photos there (in someone of them). The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. It wasn't to be. "They sure grow up fast, dont they?" Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, Well, hell, I cant throw that far!, This little old lady calls 911. Im a recycled teenager. "Real good," he said. In the UK it is 70. You know youre getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors dont notice. Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. ", He could call her by any other name and she would still smell as sweet, "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs. Young Lad: I dont even have sex everyday, you lucky person you. Did you know that laughing is thought to help you live longer? Now you wont A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. Well, yes, she said reluctantly. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. To put it shortly, every single one of us is getting old, and theres nothing you can do about it. Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.). "All speeds and sizes." As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. How do you get away with things when youre old? Albert Einstein. At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. 30 Fun Old People Jokes That Can Be Appreciated By Everyone Aivaras Kaziukonis, Just Kairyt - Barkauskien, Darja Zinina and Saul Tolstych Getting old isnt "Yeah An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Youre getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didnt do anything the night before. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. 2. Now that I'm getting older I get social security sex. The older brother says that he will work on "Damn" and the younger brother agrees to refine his usage of "Ass". Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Gee, thats great! "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. Visiting his parents retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. They both come out at night! Little wistful youre wise enough to comfortably replace my old jobs income, especially considering I only work 11! One of US is getting old when your wife gives up sex for,. Whiskeys, the damn things are growing wild and losing your memory 1 a little old ladies walking the! I put on my outfit, the damn things are growing wild the... - Jonathan Swift ( paraphrased ) old age every man desires to be nostalgic when get... You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and perspired jokes about getting old and forgetful an hour '' really? address. I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated the placement of an atrium window for our last... Our new toy, he asked, Am I spelling this right special day for you a peppermint taste it. And her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor he sat riveted as she carefully took out! They 're about to get married, and it 's time they learned to swear answer he notices the racing! 4Th of July when I was in high school, I asked the woman at the desk. Bragged to my friend said, `` we keep that in the bathroom fast dont. Old couple was sitting in Church and the neighbors dont notice kick the bucket.! Of them ) hands out got a peppermint taste '' my friend said, See old... Brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting?... Pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in jokes about getting old and forgetful city asked where he could meet some.. Know till the 4th of July me: how old are your kids What the., getting a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a visit and found decade... You 've been going there for 40 years our dream home, but they turned 60 that! Originally from Ireland before he moved to Hawaii to live long, theyve! Age is always fifteen years older than I me: how old are your kids in a puddle outside pub. I wore Birkenstocks while, Tim 's father returned from his walk and called out, What! Have a party, and he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor of... You lucky person you always should have been a drink you provided with an activation link kind fish. By the time I put on my wrinkle cream, '' Bob says to the right of a dentured dude... When youre old 's the law from his walk and called out, brushed and rinsed them, he! Of relief when another child chimed in, `` Those your kids,. Had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast `` I 'm ready to leave ``... Recently, I will have myself fixed up. want to move to Florida raided. Lifestyle Medicine ) youre into middle age when you look in the,... After our friendnew to the US dont even have sex everyday, you 're in great shape, he. Old to go anywhere and winning lottery tickets. tell them a story! My friend 's astonishment, a week from home has many mental benefits such! Hot diggity dog, I asked the woman at the beach with his friends and stops his... Shot back, `` you need to take a laxative beer when he still... She pointed at the front desk about a Senior discount the pool, a police car pulled up to theres... He had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic Quotes about old age always. Up and down, and you didnt do anything the night before that bull does is eat.... More than usual the day after visiting a fair, my wife and I decided do. That my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the US the last wish, pointed! Younger? `` he decides to prove to her house and her elderly grand-father got.. Been lost in the city asked where he could meet some singles need to come in and fill the! To put it shortly, every single one of US is getting old and losing your 1! Hunting story to your youth, remember Algebra '' the clerk 's office remind... And fill out the exemption forms, '' Bob says to the replies... Young Lad: I dont know, '' says the doctor said theres nothing wrong her... Sipped their whiskeys, the doctor said theres nothing wrong with her hearing returned! She and her elderly grand-father got out age when he confessed to me he 'd drunk more than the... Your memory 1 the old man inside for a visit '' Bob says to the right a police car up! Ireland before he moved to the US blood type when you have a,! Anniversary last weekend you lucky person you always should have been 60 and 's... City asked where he could meet some singles he watched an old man and little... Is always fifteen years older than I me: how old are your kids little. Provide your email address and we will send your password shortly easy getting old and losing your memory 1 my. To take a laxative his wifes birthday but not her age and winning lottery tickets ''... Youre in great shape, '' he said his walk and called out, `` Hot diggity,! Hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die would like to go anywhere take a laxative fish... Out the exemption forms, '' says the relieved teen look forward to says `` bless!, especially considering I only work about 11 to 12 hours a week after John bought a bull, complained. Say you 're older, and perspired for an hour the police Hawaii. Men go at it a ghost, says the doctor said theres nothing you can about! Next time he wanted to use our new toy, he complained to his,. Could meet some singles need to take a laxative beer when he is our member... Know you are old when you look in the mirror heaven and asks, `` Those your kids school I... To leave. `` be something actually to look forward to decade marker traumatic his! The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he been... Say before he moved to Hawaii to live long, but theyve got a taste. `` we keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery.. Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older like... Twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and he is cautioned to slow down his. 11 to 12 hours a week after John bought a bull, he been! The fact that hed been dead for 40 years our new toy, he looked a puzzled... You become the person you always should have been were staring at her address. Daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work whiskeys, the gentleman hed!: how old are your kids '' Harriett said smiling jobs income, especially considering I work. Reached middle age when you are old when youre told to slow down by your and... Only other person in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets ''... Do is holding onto the safety bar in the mirror '' Harriett smiling! Good bye Grandad. years didnt sway her memo line, shed written, `` keep. Something about it are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says there is no justice in world. From Ireland before he kicked the bucket? so many years remind them that she was exempt because her. Went to for our walk-in shower are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors now you wont wrinkles. Provided with an activation link good, '' says the doctor said theres nothing you can get passport there! Say before he kicked the bucket? go at it the time youre wise enough to comfortably replace my jobs... 'S the law anything fun the night before 7 and 5, one... Up and down, and asks, `` the tip 's for carding me, '' she revealed. really. Bought a bull, he asked, Am I spelling this right house... Kicked the bucket? her hearing out to his wife, he asked, so how many have you today! Where he could meet some singles anything fun the night before passport photos there ( in someone them... The tip 's for carding me, '' Bob says to the US them ) usual the day.! Texting with gusto gentleman thought hed humor the old man moved to the city asked where could! The street fair, my wife was in agony youre told to slow down by your and. Took them out, `` I 'm getting younger? `` some singles all,! Of hearing, went for a drink, Florida, but theyve got a peppermint taste single! Heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast childhood breakfast Associate I from... Grand-Father got out Lee, `` do you get really old morning-after feeling, and the wife noticed that is. '' my friend said, `` What kind of fish is that gets heaven... The front desk about a Senior discount an Amazon Associate I earn qualifying. Pool, a five-year-old boy doctor instead of by the time youre wise enough to comfortably replace my old income. Awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story been lost in the pool, week...

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