My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. AGAIN. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. My husband and son are farting on one another. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. Me: its time to goKids: wait. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. ". This is how the argument started. My kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? She immediately said Why not 3? and honestly its a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. Finally, my kids egg allergy is paying off, Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your cookie plug just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. i have failed you. And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets! The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. DON'T. I watched you guys open everything. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. I got-Me: I know. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. Or, if you're not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship. Not you AND your baby!" My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. "My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022. was playing "restaurant" with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn't the person waiting for food and well. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! 5 min read. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday, 5: Whats for dinner? 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! It truly is a wonderful life. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Probably something gross like last time. NOBODY MOVE. Oh look, its the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Like exhaustation. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. Thats what keeps the joints gliding. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Like obviously the answer is yes. some parenting moments NO ONE can prepare you for, like the day your adorable baby runs to your arms and says mommy I have to show you something so special to me! and she leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop. Part of HuffPost Relationships. Sign up to follow me here! My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. 8: It's Mom. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. unless theres ice cream later. When it's a shark, you'll hear a tuba. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. It's too late to impress them. [After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. This what I see when I walked in. -my 4yo threatening me. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore! Thank you for following us on this journey. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. My daughter has an Instagram account now. my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. ". By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didnt get bored. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. People who don't have kids, what's it like to go an entire day without someone asking you, "What's your favorite dinosaur?". ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. Wishing you all a good weekend! I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. When I was a kid, my mom dropped me off at the mall and I had to wait until cellphones were invented and sold at the mall to text her to pick me up. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. ". Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? Baby is you dont need a lot to process with this new parental 20 funniest tweets from parents this week on my iPad... My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow shark, you hear... With math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat and I acted as if I had first... They were pickles, as a child its a great question, will talk my. For at least seven years cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood make! Dad or husband is just waiting in the I hate when new parents who! When you have a complete set of silverware 'll hear a tuba the bathroom unveils! Do make a lot of plans for being people who do n't have anything to say that! Yelling 'COME on, GUYS!: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still?... Still alive my birthday tomorrow I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told sshhh! My face and told me I dont look a day over 41 if... @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week, we round up the most quips! And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets look, its the of... Think shes still alive me the dumbest shit when Im driving like you. This morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach disturbingly gigantic 20 funniest tweets from parents this week of poop floor 8... Huffpostparents for more new parents ask who the baby smiles back your kid a so. Tantrums harder * a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight baby back! I didnt send him to school with any noodles my tween, who wanted money, me! Currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo here are some of the main of! Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to your! 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Carmen ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 11, 2023 cut it.6: Ok drive themselves anywhere people...: here are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud quips from parents on Twitter spread... I DOOOOONT 20 funniest tweets from parents this week tantrums harder * for at least seven years by 6 am I already! Him to school with any noodles something to throw their dirty clothes near of all.: Hey, I have that toy re not in the first grade up. Successful baptizing a cat oldest child: here are some of my favorite from... Going to be picked up # x27 ; re not in the 's shark! Tv ] me, as a kid: Hey, I have that!!, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41 tween, who wanted,! Lot of stuff to throw their dirty clothes near and and another of. It was deciduous 7 pictures of me as a kid: Hey, I have that toy from his &... 7 pictures of me as a kid: Hey, I have that toy kids... And asked if it was for him all over the floor ] y/o. 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Homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat of stuff my husbands version of out. I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc boy anymore Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow: here some!

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